How to Breed Fruit Flies

Wait, you were expecting me to tell you how to get rid of fruit flies?

Well, you know what they say, write about what you know. As it turns out, I know the secrets to breeding fruit flies in my home and I’m really good at it!

I came across it quite by accident. To begin with, I purchased peaches from a local fruit stand where the fruit flies were soooo thick, they bounced off my face as I walked. But I didn’t worry. Of course, I thought I could get away fly free because I selected fruit that had no visible flies on it. What I didn’t realize until later is that fruit flies lay eggs that will hatch once they get into your home. And that’s exactly what they did. Hatch.

At first there were only 3 or 4. No problem. Nothing a little swat here or there wouldn’t take care of. After a few days, however, there were more so I began to hunt them with wet hands because it is easier to catch them than with dry ones. I had a few triumphant kills so I was pretty confident they were gone.

A couple of days went by but then one morning as I stumbled into the shower, two fruit flies buzzed by my head. Turns out, they like moist places, so showers, sink drains and other wet areas are their delight. Who knew? I felt it was time for more aggressive action. I turned to the world wide web to provide me with answers. Then I read that coffee grounds will keep bugs at bay. That’s great! I dumped all the used grounds into each of my plants and walked away, smugly. Take that, you pesky pests!

Two days later, fruit flies were circling the bottom of my plants.

As I neared the pot for further inspection, dozens more rose from the dirt. Oh oh. Now I was really in trouble. Not only was I not getting rid of them, I was actually providing ideal conditions for breeding them. I had been misinformed. For some reason it seems, fruit flies like coffee grounds almost as much as rotting fruit.

Okay, so what is next on the list? The blow dryer. Pardon me? It is suggested that if you turn the back of the unit toward the colony, the flies will be sucked in the air intake. Sounds cruel. Who cares – they are FRUIT FLIES! So I did just that, sucking up several of the little creatures and enduring the smell as they were incinerated inside. Then, click. It shut itself off. No problem, I let it cool off for a few minutes before returning it to the cupboard. Later that evening, my son was calling me.

“Mom, the blow dryer won’t work.”

“Just hit the reset button, it will be fine,” I yelled back. I heard a series of clicks and then a slam as the blow dryer hit the counter top a little harder than normal. My son scowled at me as he left the house with his wet mop hanging in his eyes.

Stupid fruit flies. Now I have to go buy a new blow dryer!

As I slumped down in the nearest chair, one charged at my face. This was serious. Do I move out and find another place to live? Do I call the pest control company? I decided to try one last home remedy before I resorted to professional help. Another quick query to the inter-web and I settled on ‘the trap’. I put out a container of juice with plastic wrap covering most of the opening except for a small hole. The idea is that the flies will find their way in to consume the juice but when the try to leave, they hit the plastic and become trapped. Eventually they drown in the liquid. The first 2 days – nothing. And then 2 and then 4 and finally 10. Then next morning there were more than 20. I added another location and got more than 40 in a matter of hours.

But it was too little, too late. When company arrived that evening, someone spied a swarm of ff’s on a narrow shelf above the plant. That was it. After humiliating me in front of a crowd, I was done. It was more than I could take. Good bye Mrs. Nice Guy. After weeks of torment, I going out to do what I should have done in the first place.

I’m going out to buy RAIDâ„¢.


One thought on “How to Breed Fruit Flies”

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